It’s come as a pleasant surprise, a real shock: I can’t emphasize enough how *tremendous* I feel.
I don’t know anything about nutrition or biology or physiology beyond what you or I can google, but I imagine that I feel so great, not so much because of the weight loss, but more because of what I’m eating and how I’m powering my body.
It just so happens that WHAT I’m eating, and the amounts, is nicely leading to weight loss. But a byproduct of these food choices – and mild/very moderate exercise – is that I feel tremendous. Seriously.
With every bite and every meal or snack, I feel like I am building/repairing a ship. That ship is me. I’m the vessel for my own life, and I’m finally in control of how I’m fixed up and where I’m headed physically.
I’m not exaggerating when I say I feel like I could do anything, solve any problem, tackle any issue.
And I felt this way almost immediately back in week one. I just thought it was a fluke and a temporary state. But it’s not a fluke — it’s still going. However…
The Doubts Remain
All the while, I do have this deep awareness that reminds me — I’ve been here before. I’ve vacillated between 190 and 210 before, several times in 10 years.
I can distinctly recall watching the weight creep back up and thinking “who cares? It doesn’t matter. It only matters what I think, not what other people think, and I don’t care, so it’s OK for a pound or two (or 20) to come back on….” While I can recall those thoughts, I can’t recall what was going on in my life at that time or how I was feeling. What it just the donuts talking? What was going on??
To be clear, it *IS* OK to weigh whatever you want. Absolutely. As long as you’re living your best self and who you want to be.
Me? I think I’ve realized (again! for good?) that “tomorrow” is now, not tomorrow. Stuff I wanted to do “tomorrow” I have to start doing NOW. I’m 46. Akkkk!! FORTY-SIX. SH/*!!
For a decade I’ve been saying, “it would suck to have trouble getting up the stairs when I’m XX years old,” or “it would suck not being able to run around playing frisbee with the kids.”
And then it hit me, I was ALREADY preferring not to be active and that was a viscous cycle. I blamed my lack of activity on my weight, then I blamed my weight on my lack of activity. And did nothing about either.
I’ve come to realize I’m not an exercise person. I’m a walker and a casual bike rider. I’m not a jogger. I’m not a cyclist. I’m not going to run the Tough Mudder. I am finally going to stop kidding myself about some future state that I will never be. I’ve done the gym thing — it’s great for a while, but it always becomes too much to keep up and fades away. (I’ve paid for years of gym memberships never attended.) So, what now?
Here’s what I think I’ve learned about myself:
Walk: Walking is enough, just get out there and do it. Don’t let great be the enemy of the good — meaning: I don’t need to become a runner. Just walk more.
Mood: Food impacts my mood, I’d be crazy (and ignorant) to pretend it doesn’t. I now know this and I can use it to my advantage to reduce the spiraling out of control.
Self: Healthy eating puts me in touch with me. I’m not cut off from myself when I’m eating right as can happen when I eat highly processed/refined foods. I like being con
nected to myself, and like mood and walking, this is something within my own everyday power.
That’s my lesson. I hope my future self is listening.
What lessons are you learning?