Let me start by saying that I’m very, very happy to have lost weight, 24 pounds! Woot woot!
Let me next say that for every great thing that has occurred because of this weight loss (smaller pants size, visible cheek bones) almost an equal number of, albeit smaller, things have come to my attention—and not always good things either.
Namely, my wrinkles. What’s up with these wrinkles?? And why do we look in the mirror to inspect ourselves to this level of detail anyway?? No one looks at me from 3 inches away who isn’t a.) married to me, or b.) shares my DNA. Perhaps we need to re-re-think mirrors for distance only (see Karen’s blog on mirrors.)
What’s going on here?
I think I’m about to hit a wall. I’m continuing to lose weight successfully (dare I say easily?), but I’m beginning to question why??
Muffin top: smaller, but unlikely to disappear. (Don’t talk to me about sit ups.)
Non-body related things: the job is, well, still a job. The commute is, well, the commute. Aging parents, kid’s soccer practice, laundry, dirty dishes (that’s my crammed full dirty dishwasher pictured above).
And the world is still, well, the world – all messed up. And in that crazy mix I’m worried about hiding 3 ounces of cheese from myself….
Why? Why I ask!?
<Existential crisis time>
<Pause, exit room, reenter room an hour later after tucking in oldest child, putting plates in dishwasher and petting the dog>
Two things just happened that have helped with the above mentioned existential crisis.
- I just signed up for my first yoga class in 20 years; and
- I just re-read my blog “So Many Pants, So Few Options” from the end of August
Regarding yoga – I hear good things, but what do I know? I’ll let you know.
Regarding “So Many Pants”—it brought back very strong memories of the past few years of staring at 20 pairs of pants knowing that I couldn’t fit in about 15 of them. I had so many clothes I couldn’t wear because they didn’t fit me at the time—and for a LONG time. But I thought I would hop back in them at a moments’ notice.
There was no “moments’ notice” of losing 20 let alone 5 or 10 pounds in the past few years and jumping back into those pants. Who was I kidding??
This has taken MONTHS and diligent planning and attention. I think I’ve tracked my weight watchers points on all but 3 of the last 90 days. (You know how hard it is to enter 65 points when your daily total is 30?? It’s happened.)
Now, I have the opposite “problem”; I’m looking at the remaining 3 pairs of pants that are all that stay on without falling down or looking like MC Hammer pants.
It’s so funny that our biggest challenges seem so large when they’re right in front of us and so small when seen from a distance.
While it’s hard to picture myself back at 212 pounds, I CAN picture myself staring at my closet hoping a good solution would magically present itself before I just grabbed the same size 16 black pants and black top, as always.
The 212-pound old me is kicking the 188-pound new me for whining about having wrinkles and (still) a muffin top. Those were there before, stop whining about them now and enjoy the goodness of being slimmer and peppier.
I still can’t process that I’ve lost 24 lbs. I really, really can’t.
I didn’t know whether I’d really get this far when I started. Why now and not earlier? I really, really do not know. I keep asking myself that. I’d like to understand why I couldn’t get myself in the zone until this moment in time.
I’d like to understand how to get and stay in this zone. I hope I don’t have to go through this again, but you really never know.
Life is funny that way.