This isn’t a Dress Rehearsal

For those of you that don’t know (or haven’t guessed) I’m an “idea junkie”.  I absolutely adore thinking about what’s possible, seeing someone’s success and thinking, “How can I do that?”

You see, success is very motivating.  To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have started Weight Watchers if Annie hadn’t been having such great success.  I think when we started this blog and podcast, she was already down 15 pounds.

Sometimes thinking… and ideas…. put you in an awkward position.  Like this week.

This week I’ve been thinking about how I got where I am.  Not geographically, or even emotionally or financially… but in terms of me physically.  (you know fat)

I realized during last week’s podcast, that I don’t like the word: body

…and I especially dislike the phrase: My Body.

Annie mentioned in Podcast Episode 7 how she discovered control over her body, and intellectually I agreed, but I had a real visceral reaction to the phrasing.  I wanted to talk about weight loss, I wanted to talk about dieting… anything but … our bodies.

The phrase: “My body” literally makes me feel sceevey.

Yeah… So, I basically realized last week, that I kind of gross myself out.  I’m saying this with laughter because it was a kind of break through.

It explains a lot. 

It explains only having 2 mirrors in my house, both of which only show from the shoulders up. 

It explains my distaste for clothing shopping, because I don’t like mirrors.

It explains my aversion to going to the Dr. for yearly girly check ups. (ok, maybe not entirely, but at least some)

Oh… I could go on. 

BUT before you decide to start a GoFundMe to raise the money for a fat farm and extreme makeover, let me assure you,  I only loath my physical body.  I adore so many things about myself, my ideas, my mind, my voice, my eyes, my empathy, my intuition, my intelligence… the list goes on and on…

So, this week I started working on that word, because that’s what “BODY” is.  It’s a word.  And just like the word BODY doesn’t define who I am… my actual body doesn’t define me either.  

I knew that.

Sometimes I forget. 

I realized that I need to EMBRACE my body (regardless of rolls and jiggly bits) and pay attention.  I need to PAY ATTENTION.

Just like this weight loss isn’t happening overnight, neither did the weight gain, but my body knew… which means  I knew.

I knew it when I had to bought a bigger pair of pants.  I knew it when my shirts went from XL to XXL.

Yeah.  I decided  not to pay attention.

My body is my responsibility, it’s my only body. (see that’s me getting over my sceeviness with the word “body”.  I said it twice in one sentence.)

I own it. I love it. It’s mine.

Here’s a letter to my future self to remind me.

Dear Future Self,

You are amazing.  I love so many things about you, and your family and friends will agree.  You are still the wild and crazy person you love, just smarter about it.

I’m writing today to remind you that this life isn’t a trial run, it’s not a dress rehearsal.  I want to remind you that although you deserve all of the Taylor Ham Egg & Cheese sandwiches in New Jersey, you hate it when you’re fat.  You don’t like to look in the mirror and to a certain extent you don’t like it when people look at you.

Right now, 10/11/2017 you are almost 1 third of the way to losing the weight you want to lose. Your goal is 180.  That will be amazing.

Your hips and knees are already feeling better.  Your clothes are so deliciously loose. Your looking forward to summer vacations with more energy and excitement and you’re taking back control of your body.

Remember this feeling in everything you do.  Remember how you set a goal, then created action steps to achieve that goal. Remember it didn’t happen overnight, but it happened. It feels great!

So, keep up the good work, and I just wanted to remind you…  you like this feeling.

Remember this feeling.

Karen.

 

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