I am 207 pounds today. I was 230 and I then I was 203 and now I’m 207. When I unpack my weight loss thought process, going back to August I find several epiphanies hidden behind the coffee, donuts, measuring cups and hard boiled eggs. It’s hard to see them all the time, not because they are hidden, but because I ignore them. That is to say that I intentionally put them in the corner cabinet behind the tomato sauce and mac n cheese. I do that because I don’t always want to eat the right thing, I don’t always want to count and pay attention. And like the great line in A FEW GOOD MEN, “You can’t handle the truth” and just like the movie, it’s a struggle to understand how we know what is right and the right thing to do but we frequently fail to do it.
Here’s what works: Tracking what I eat on my weight watchers app, works… until it doesn’t.
The app hasn’t changed. The calories in an apple or grapes or eggs or salad … haven’t changed.
What has changed? My thoughts.
Is it possible that I really “don’t want to lose weight?” Nope. Although, all of my actions, conversations and thoughts might actually convince you otherwise. The truth is, the only thing that has changed is how I’ve been thinking about the things that I think about. For the first 3 months I could walk by a donut, a cookie and think… “No! They don’t serve me or the goal I’m moving towards” but now… I can’t seem to walk by.. I can’t. I look at it and think… “I want it. I deserve it”
That my friends… in my 53 year old mind on auto-pilot. The difference now and 3 months ago is that I was spending time intentionally making decisions and pre-paving my way into and out of situations that aren’t geared towards continued weight loss. At some point (maybe stress or anxiety kicked in) and turned off my intention and turned on my old false-need for comfort and calories.
Some may say, I simply stopped wanting to lose weight and many would say, “It’s ok, take a break, you’ll get back on the wagon” but if they’re saying that… then they don’t know me very well.
I convinced myself that I stopped planning means, because I thought, “I got this, I can do this, it’s easy”
I stopped preparing and planning my lunches at work because I thought, “I can just pick something up at lunch time”
I stopped tracking, and thinking about it, and reveling in my success.
Now that I know, what do I do?
Here I am now, understanding that I stopped taking and making decisions designed to walk me into a healthier life and it’s time for me to climb back onto the wagon. Thankfully, I have my sister who is always an inspiration and motivating and … freaking funny. She texts me every day to encourage me. Ultimately I am the only one that can stop creating donuts and start creating better choices.
It’s time to push for the next goal. YES… I know, my weight loss is awesome… but you know what else is going to be awesome? ANOTHER 20 POUNDS!
My new goal: 187
That’s 20 pounds. I didn’t know that until today, I hadn’t thought about it. I had been thinking about weight loss a little more vaguely and nonspecific for the last month. I realized today, that I just thinking of it as a vague non-specific thing is NOT very motivating, it’s actually a little de-motivating (is that a word?). AND, I realized today that this is a habit I have, I actually stop short of several goals sometimes because I feel done. I’m not done, but I feel done. I realized today that I need to continue to pay attention, and continue to measure… not judge… measure forward movement.
Brian Tracy says that there are 7 steps to achieving any goal and they are:
- Decide what you want and BE SPECIFIC.
- Write it down
- Set a Deadline
- Make a list of everything you can possibly do to achieve your goal
- Organize your list by sequence and priority
- Take action on your plan immediately
- Do something every day that moves you in the direction of your goal.
I read those steps and I realize that I knew this AND I knew this worked. It worked for the first 25 pounds, (now only 23) and it will work for the next. AND SO… I’m back. I’m back to tracking and boiling eggs and making chicken breast. I am back to eating salad and tracking tracking tracking….
ARE YOU WITH ME!
Let me know about your thoughts and challenges and struggles! Comment Below!