Annie: When I weighed 215 lbs

When I was 216 pounds.

When I was 209 pounds.

When I was 198 pounds.

When I was 212 pounds.

I keep rolling these figures and phrases around in my head, hoping that they’ll stick.

However, I know too well they’ll drift by and eventually disappear and I will forget truly what it’s like to be either 180 pounds or 212 pounds depending on which end of the cycle I am currently on.

My hope is that by saying them out loud and by writing them down and sharing them I can embed them into my active memory (not a deep memory of long ago high school or college). And in doing so, perhaps I will recognize more fully what I want as I move forward while feeling wonderful in each moment where I am.

To be clear, I’m fooling myself if I think 195 lbs is “good” just because it’s not 210 lbs. But 195 IS good because it’s not 210 lbs. And it IS good because it’s moving towards 180 rather than back up to 210. Right? That’s where I’m headed? Yes, that’s where I’m headed.

I was really struck by what Karen said in a recent blog. Something along the lines of: as we raise the bar for ourselves, we also have to raise the floor. We can reach higher and higher, especially if we keep leaping up from a higher ground.

Many of these blogs are really messages to my future self and this is no different. So here’s the bottom line message to my future self:

1.) Don’t stop. Keep going. You can do it—you can get to 175.

2.) When you reach your goal, only then does the hard work begin. You step off the road you understand (weight loss) and on to a road that’s less familiar — living as a lighter being. Get ready. Own it. And don’t give up after all this hard work!

3.) Don’t let the weight creep back on. Center yourself on who you are and who you want to be. Say these numbers out loud – 190. 215. 195. 205. Decide who you want to be and own it. These are your decisions; there is no mystery here. You are in complete control.

What would you tell your future self?


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