Annie: I’m Tired of Watching What I Eat

I’m tired of “dieting.”

I shouldn’t complain. I’m having remarkable success—down 16 lbs. Nothing to sneeze at. I’m kicking myself for not doing this sooner—like years ago.

But now, I’m tired of “dieting.” Just as I knew I would be.

“Dieting” is in quotes because technically it’s not supposed to be dieting. It’s just supposed to be how one eats… all the time… naturally…

One is supposed to eat blueberries and pepitas on their lowfat plain unsweetened Greek yogurt while sipping black coffee/unsweetened tea ALL. THE. TIME. And demurely decline the bagels and donuts and crusty bread toasted with butter and raspberry jelly and soft French cheeses.

I love food. And I love good food. And I love making food. And I love when other people make food.

And now, after five weeks of dieting (ahem), watching what I eat, I’m tired of it.

I love hardboiled egg whites. But after three dozen egg whites in five weeks, I want a yolk or two.

I’m tired of the far advanced planning – while grocery shopping – will I have enough “approved” foods in the house for an entire week? Tired of the near advanced planning – what exactly will I eat for the next 18 hours? Tired of planning every bite – is what I am eating now going to allow me to eat later in the day too? Should I eat 2 olives or 6? Should I have ½ cup brown rice or a full cup?

When can I have brie again? What does 1 ounce of brie look like? Isn’t 1 ounce of brie the amount that sticks to the knife when you try to slice it? If I’m not eating crackers, can I put the brie knife right into my mouth?

These are 100% my choices and not part of any required diet program, but I’ve given up orange juice, bread, most cheese and crackers. Not because I can’t have them, but because I don’t do those things in moderation like I can for whole oranges, brown rice and pepitas and almonds.

I’ve found I’m far more successful eating a greater number of lower “points” foods than trying to work some higher “points” foods in in moderation. So, more low-fat yogurt and egg whites and less cereal and toast. Don’t get me wrong, I am eating almonds and olive oil (and tracking every ounce). But I can stop at one ounce of almonds, unlike one ounce of brie.

And being “tired” of dieting really just means that I (again) acknowledge that I have had and will always have a problem with the moderation of certain foods. Thus, I get a few weeks into a diet and inevitably want to go back to my eat-anything (eat any amount of brie) ways of the past.

I’ll get through this. Acknowledging it and talking about it helps. I just need to remember that I can have my brie when it really matters.

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