the whole 30 broke me

Whole30 – Broke me, Now, picking up the pieces

This year I did my first ever, serious food elimination diet and the results were life changing.  I expected to lose weight.  I expected to change my eating (even if slightly) but what I didn’t expect was to completely break the way my body processed food. 

It makes me think about those warnings… “Kids! Don’t do this at home!” or “Ask your doctor before…” 

Here’s what happened.   When you read about The Whole30, there is A LOT written about “what you can eat” and “what you can’t eat” but in all of the articles and details that I’ve read, I never read about people breaking their ability to eat certain things. 

Silly me.  I obviously wasn’t a member of the correct Facebook groups because a co-worker that was also doing the whole30 with me mentioned all of the problems I was having … AFTERWARDS as being things she read about in the Facebook Groups. 

Now. Here’s the part that KILLS ME!  Everytime I complain… (and I do complain) the reply I get from those around me… “doesn’t sound like you’re broken, sounds like you’re fixed!”

BUT, if this is fixed… I’m not sure I want it! 

What’s broken?

I can’t eat fried food anymore.  It literally hurts my stomach. 

I can’t eat some pizza’s anymore. I haven’t figured out why some pizza doesn’t bother me but other’s do… but it’s a thing

MOST IMPORTANTLY, I can’t eat too much anymore.  THAT is the killer! 

I know, I know… is all sounds like I’m fixed.  BUT… my brain keeps telling me… “you should be able to eat if you want to eat, there’s something wrong that you have to stop before you want to…”  Yeah, my brain does sound like a petulant child.  

As I’m writing this… I have to acknowledge… I guess I’m not really broken.  I mean, it’s December 7th… the middle of the most delicious holiday of the year, and I’m not gaining any weight.  WHY?  Because I can’t gorge myself of crap without feeling sick. 

Broken?  Not Broken?

What do you think?  I mean… on the one hand if someone came to me complaining that they can’t stuff their face with crappy calorie filled carbs anymore without getting sick… I’d say, “that sounds like a dream come true” but … it’s me.  IT’s ME!  I am the queen of take-it-out-of-the-freezer-pop-it-into-the-microwave meals!  

I don’t feel hungry… but in my soul… I feel starving!

….sob… hiccup…sob…

…..sigh……

It’s not the food right?  I know you see it… I see it.  It’s the value I place on the food.  There’s a void now… so I’ve got to restructure how I treat myself and reward myself… I have to literally tell myself a different story about what I value and how I show value. 

Food was so easy… and much cheaper then shoes. 

And as much as my sister would hope that I would treat myself with greenbeans or carrots (not going to happen Annie)  I may just treat myself to a haircut… or a nice walk around the lake… OH!  I’ve got it. I’m going to take a day off work… and not tell the kids, so I have the day ALL TO MYSELF! 🙂  Yea. 

What do you think? Broken or not broken?

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